But Maybe I'm Not As Alone As I Thought I Was
by GinnylovesHarry
Summary: Harry looked up and found all the Order members and his friends standing around him...He met each pair of eyes with his emerald green ones...A surprised look on his face...


A/N This story was really sad for me to write...I'm not sure if I really believe that Sirius is gone, but I had to write this for poor Harry.

This story is for all of us who cried and had to put the book down when Sirius fell throught the veil, and for all of us who wanted to wanted to scream and rant at Bellatrix Lestrange for casting the spell that made him fall.

DISCLAIMER:I do not own Harry Potter. If I did Sirius would still be alive and Bellatrix would have fallen though the veil...

Harry Potter was kneeled down in front of a gravestone at Godric's Hollow Cemetary. The Order of the Phoenix and the rest of his friends had moved in around him when he had found the stone...he hadn't noticed of course but they were all around him, all silent just staring at the block of stone in front of them. But Harry was the most enraptured of them all... For there on the stone was the name Sirius Black. Simple yet elegant the way Sirius would have wanted it, and under his name was a moving picture of a Grim-like dog.

Harry touched the picture tenderly and whispered without even seeming to notice that he spoke aloud,"It's only a shadow of what you were Sirius...Only a shadow. And that's all i'm gonna get from now on isn't it? You're not coming back this time are you? There's going to be no miraculous escape from a place that was thought to be unescapable...No happy reunion where you ask me to come and live with you once we prove you innocent...Well guess what Sirius? We caught him...We caught the rat."

Everyone grimaced at the obvious pain their savior was in. He didn't even seem to notice that they were there but he was weaving a tale for them...Weaving a side of Harry Potter they'd never seen before, so they continued listening desperetly wanting to know what else this much more poetic Harry Potter had to say.

"But you're not here... You're not here to take me away from the Dursely's which I know you wanted to...You're not here to save me from my nightmares...You're not here to make me laugh when I think I'll never laugh again...You're not here Sirius...And i'm alone all over again. Everyone always makes it sound like it's so easy to be Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived."Harry let out a bitter chuckle."But it's not...it's lonely...Ever so lonely...But for those 2 short years...I wasn't alone anymore...I had someone who cared for me not because I was The Boy Who Lived...Not because I was the weapon...Not because I was the key figure in a prophecy,"the Order exchanged confused glances."but because I was Harry. Just Harry and that's all I've ever wanted...James Potter was my father, Sirius,but you were my dad...And you left me...just like my real father did...I'm tired of people dieing for me...I'm tired of people dieing because they're close to me..."Harry leaned his forehead against the headstone enjoying the cold feeling against his searing scar.

"You loved me didn't you Sirius?You told me you did...You were the first person to ever tell me...And you were the first person I ever said it to...I love you so much Sirius...And I don't want your money or your emancipation...I don't want your house...I want you back...I'd give anything to have you back Siri...Absolutely anything..."Harry desolved into sobs unable to control them anymore.The Order exchanged surprised glances...they had never seen Harry cry before...He always seemed so strong...too strong to let anything get to him. They seemed to have forgotten that he was only 16...an extremely strong and mature 16 year old but still 16 all the same... Harry's friends on the other hand exchanged relieved looks. They had been trying to break down the walls Harry had around his emotions for weeks...it had finally fallen. By this time Harry was again stone-faced the only indication that he had been crying were his wet cheeks.

"I can't do this alone anymore...I'm not gonna survive doing this alone...But that's not your problem anymore is it...you're not here anymore.All we have are shadows and mere memories of you...of what you represented...I love you Sirius and I wish you were here...I wish I didn't have to do this alone..."Harry looked up and found all the Order members and his friends standing around him...He met each pair of eyes with his emerald green ones...A surprised look on his face...

"But maybe I'm not as alone as I thought I was."


End file.
